Category Archives: COMENT

the bestest of all the animals

poodles are grate. they are truly the first of the non-animal animals. they could never survive in the wild, they’d be all “i’m not walking in that muck” or “where’s my taxi” and shit.

if they had to go back to the wild they’d probably set up their own kingdom and order about all the other dogs while sitting on a bush knawed into a thrown. thed be all “make me a sandwich” and “lick my bumbum”.

that said, i wouldn’t complain if they were wiped of the face of the planet. they don’t really serve a purpose. they ain’t no st. bernard.

Goodbyes to 2005! you were shit!

Well it’s finally over, the latest of the shit years is coming to a close as we welcome next piece of crap into our lives.

Things i’ll miss from 2005:

-space hoppers
-only fools and horses
-jimmy carr
-jimmy carson
-alan carr
-‘2005’ looks kind of cool, like ‘2001’ did, but 2001 was shit because everything was still being made in the colour silver.

Things i won’t miss:

-beetlejuice
-strawberry shortcake
-andy peters (is a cunt)
-people shouting ‘WASSUP’
-the intarweb
-barry bethal, okay mate we get the point, you don’t wobble anymore, now get back to your tinning job.

Things that will be grate about 2006:

-stephen hawking jumping over the great wall of china
-nintendo space machine
-tony hawks the comedian jumping over the great wall of china
-nintendo pocket watch famicom edition
-ricky gervais jumping over the great wall of china

Things that will be shit about 2006:

-the demolition of the great wall of china
-quincy
-all versions of windows, they’ll find the other 1% of unused cpu time and use it!
-all versions of lunix, they’ll be un-user friendly and not live up to their potential
-all apple products and software, they are white! and shit!
-evil ken-evil not jumping over the great wall of china
-pocky market crash
-all sony products, if there’s any karma in the world they will go bankrupt.

Finally i’d like to thank all my friends that i don’t have. thanks for not being there. thanks for not helping me in my year of need. thanks for borrowing my lawnmower and fucking my wife on it. thanks for selling me pirate dvd’s which are supposed to feature tom hanks but actually feature tom arnold. that reminds me, thanks to all the fat crazy bitches of the world for not fucking me like you’re supposed to. thanks to branston for your pickles. thanks to all the gay. thanks to mumma, why did you leave me on the bench and let the hospital name me. thanks to jimmy saville. thanks to ‘british telecom’, ‘teh bbC’ and ‘the post office’ for giving me something to complain about. thanks to nathan barley, totally jackson. thanks to lucas, you shit. thanks to jools holland for his lack of depth. thanks to my penis for staying clean and keeping it’s shine.

BUT MOST OF ALL THANKS TO YOU FOR PLAYING!

see you in the space year 2006!

famous_grouse
Current Mood: is bad for the music
Current Music: is good for the mood

my generation of ugly

it seems to me that every generation puts it’s ugly older siblings on screen and proclaims them as the height of beauty, which in turn turns off the previous generation who only come round after seeing it’s slush puppy filled naked body.

the fact is very few are universally beautiful and of those the likelihood of one of them being able to act, sing or even wipe their own bottom is extremely low. so we make up beauty in people we call our peers, and to the outsiders it’s ugly and incomprehensible.

as a member of a generation which includes only myself and a fruit fly, i have no choice but to name the fruit fly as the next katie holmes. i’ve named the fruit fly ‘barnibus’ and it is truly magnificent the only problem being when you look at it, it makes your head itch.

I DON’T THINK THAT WILL STOP IT APPEARING ON EVERY NON-LUNIX DESKTOP EVAR!!!!11111
Current Mood: tribal
Current Music: ridge_racer-gamerip\06-namco-Track06.ogg