ever since i posted about MEAT ROBOT things have gotten a little strange.

just seconds after my posting i’ve been receiving emails from fellow witnesses of MEAT ROBOT. Here are but a selection:

“Dear Monkie,

Hellos, i just had to email you about your dream about the ROBOT of MEAT.

It just so happens that i have also dreamt of MEAT ROBOTS. The ROBOT in my dream calls himself ‘Meaty Henry’ and instead of talking to me, as in your dream, just lets out a massive scream like so:

‘MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEATEEEEEEEEE NAAAAAAA NAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!’

I believe this is the same robot, and this must mean something.

Yours
Jennifer Wisewomang, Papplewick”

“Dear Monkii

Chuf Chuf, I would like to introduce myself a someone who share you dream. Los ROBOT MEATY appear to mes on many partys.

In dreams ROBOT says to clear WATERWAYS and PARKS for creation of MEAT STATE.

Please send picature for phonebook.

Margentina Horrendas, Portugal”

“Hey Monkey

My wife also has had a dream about MEATLOAF.

Jimmy Page, Hawaii”

“MONKIE! MONKIE!

WE HAD THE SAME DREAM!

IN MY DREAM THE MEET ROBOT IS PORK AND TELLS ME TO KILL JOHN CANDY!

LETS BE FRIENDS!

RICHARD WILSON OBE”

As you can see, this is something larger than large from little and large. Please contact me with descriptions of your dreams of MEAT ROBOTS and i will compile them into a book which i will sell on amazon and become rich.

the book will be called “MEAT ROBOT: WHAT DO YOU SAY” and i have already got jeremy clarkson, david kelly and kelly osbourne’s quotes for the back cover:

“MEAT ROBOT IS BOTH MEATY AND ROBOTIC” -Clarkson
“IF I HAD SEEN MEAT ROBOT I’D STILL BE ALIVE TODAY” -Kelly
“MEAT ROBOT SAVED MY LIFE FROM DRUGS AND BOOZE.” -Osbourne

So remember if you have dreams about MEAT ROBOT, DONT WRITE A BOOK ABOUT IT. I AM.

it’s a man camera.
big, black and manly.
when he shoves it in your face you give him respect.

he has a man camera.

ask him about it,
and he’ll tell you.
it does the business;
colour and black and white, in focus and out.

that man has a man camera, part of his body and soul.

feel the fear of the man camera,
hide your point and shoot.
man camera needs two hands, man hands.

see that manly man with his man camera,
see him crying as it’s been stolen.

you can’t say that! it may be true but you cannot say it! you say it again you see what happens! remember what happened to flat jim? well i’ll do that to you if you say i don’t have a life again!

who do you think you are dough boy! going off like that! i don’t come round your house and tell you how fat your pets are do i? okay i do but they are just animals! i’m nearly a human!

next time you say anything like that i’ll pull your eyebrows out your face!

…

…

what?

…

oh, you said i didn’t have a wife. that’s true, i’m not getting married again until they make one that doesn’t break when you put it in the micro.

goings on in monkieworld:

– i have decided to live a whole month according to spam. so far i have a 50ft penis, an FF breast, a constant boner, time shares in over 20 countries, a new neck, shares in parkinsons mane and a mousemat that emits an electric shock when you look at pictares of lyle lovett.

– i’ve bought a struggling football club from a unnamed russian. all i can tell you is their kit is one of the blue colours.

– i kicked bronson out of the house. i could take the taunts and spitting, but when he started singing kylie at me i had to kick him in the face out the door.

– i’ve decided payed for womens are of better value than the free ones. and i can get them in value packs from dave on the black todge so i’m quids in.

– lionel isn’t doing to well, he got another potato infection and his ears are drooping in the sun. TEH LITTLE FUCKER STILL KEEPS ON DANCING THOUGH!

– i have been informed by numerous persons that apparently life will go on after me. i don’t believe this but just in case i’m going to make sure this can never happen. i’ve started collecting rolls of caps and space candy and i’m going to rig it so when i die the lot will go off. so it’s in everybodies interest to keep me alive!

Current Mood: anorixic denial
Current Music: snuff box themes

nobody ever says that these days, not to me anyway. the world is a poorer world for it.

other lines i miss:

“hey there sweetcakes” (sweetcakes=breats.)

“you are my man of industry” (basically means you sex up good.)

“hey there babycakes” (babycakes=breats.)

“in a while crocodile” (means “i will be hard soon”)

“that’s youth” (“the stupid little fucks”)

“that’s a lovely little penis” (what my grandad says to me.)