Author Archives: monkie

oh my golly!

NEW CONTENTS!!!11 LEIK TEH SHELF OF BIGGINS THE CUPBOARD IS NO LONGER BARREN!!!

here’s some capcas for you loons!!

ionizers maccrate

harrison

is this thing still on?

bentley_iv

man it’s god to be back. i had this grate idea for a movie, it’s called “Wayne’s Hill”. It’s a darker version of “waynes world” without the comedy and with added DARKNESS. Things that happen in “Wayne’s Hill”:

-when things start going bad for wayne, it gets really bad.
-he doesn’t get back together with Cassandra and she is now permanently missing.
-his crew turn into zombies and start attacking wayne, and the one that goes “i love you man” is particularly “killy”.
-garth gets together with d’abo the lunix geek then she realises she’s hot and dumps garth and becomes a super bitch then garth goes mental and starts dribbling.
-garth and wayne are both in the same places but they can’t see each other, except sometimes when one of them catches a glimpse of the other and try and get the attention of the other BUT THEY CAN’T SEE THEM.
-when they go “NOT!” it’s not a joke but a serious comment on the badness of the world as they see it and they say it in a spooky slow voice. NOOOOT.

DO NOT STEAL THIS OR SHOW IT TO THEROUX OR I WILL PUT YOUR MOTHER IN CARE!!!111

LOEV – HATE – 2008 (IT RHYMES MR!)

things i hate

  • men in suits eating crisps
  • people who don’t “twist to fit” when passing you on narrow pavements
  • women in suits eating crisps
  • couples that walk beside each other on narrow pavements when i’m trying to pass
  • adults eating crisps
  • brian blessed
  • the beatles (except harrison and ringo)
  • the lack of plug sockets meaning i can have either music or graphics tablet (NOT BOTH!)
  • Sharon Gless – just cos you’re not fat doesn’t mean your any good
  • the fact that i can hate more stuff than i can love
  • peanuts, bland salty badness in pill form
  • 32-bit
  • anything bad costs monies
  • the name “charles”, no charles has ever done no good
  • my monitor is small
  • moomins scaring me
  • sebastian coe, recently i am beginning to think that anyone name sebastian has a wicked motive
  • mr fbox’s low power HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH ANIMES IF YOUR PUNNY PROCESSOR CANNOT KEEP UP MR FBOX
  • thinking of more things that you hate than wot you loev because you thought you’d have more things you would hate so wrote it down and now hace to follow your destiny
  • hearing a great track in your 5,000,000GB of mp3s then not remembaring it’s name
  • the fact that i can write this shit and someone will read it

things i love

  • monkeys in suits eating crisps
  • the beatles (except lemon and mcarthy)
  • the name “jackie gleason”, i wonder if he had a gleeful son
  • Tyne Daly – she always looks like she’s seen something shocking
  • the fact that i hate more stuff than i love
  • peanuts (the snoopy & charlie brown variety) i keep watching waiting for charlie to go all colombine on thier asses.
  • nude women behind peanuts, cos it means all the peanuts are dead
  • 8-bit
  • anything good is free
  • my monitor is flat
  • moomins coming to my room at night and telling me it’s okay
  • brian blessed, thank you for the present brian
  • things my nan used to say which were both offensive and hilarious
  • XBMC is coming to lunix one day
  • memories that suprise you cos you never thought you’d look back at that fondly
  • hearing that great track you lost in 6,000,000,000GB of mp3s come up in shuffle
  • the fact that i can write this shit and someone will read it

BEARD JOURNEY OVER! AND MERRY NEW YEAR!

FINALLY MY QUEST FOR BEARDAGE VALIDATION HAS REACHED IT’S PEAK!

Last night at a secret ceremony, attended only by myself and my partner, I was inducted into the Billy Fane Society!

You may know Billy Fane as the growley hair face “Geoff” from “Byker Grove”, the television programme where everybody was talking about it over wine coolers saying “who blinded that one from pj and duncan?” and “i wish both pj and duncan were both blind or even better dead!”.

Now i am a part of his society i have the keys to newcastle! last night after getting the keys, myself and my partner went round newcastle checking that everybody had locked up properly. THATS THE KIND OF POWER WE HAVE IN THE BILLY FANE WORLD WE LIVE IN NOW!

Anyway here is a pictare of myself, my partner and the one and only BILLY FANE!

elton_furnish_billy_fane

PLEASE PUT IT ON YOUR FRIDGES AND REMEMBER IF YOU LIVE IN NEWCASTLE I WILL BE CHECKING YOUR LOCKS SO LOCK UP GOOD!

oh, and happy new dears!

NEXT UP: 2007 Review & 2008 Previews! LOOK FORWARD TO ITS!!!11111

beard journal week 2 and a bit

I can’t remember exactly when i started a beard it’s either two or three weeks ago.

it all started when i saw a pictare of peter sutcliffe, i thought to myself “if he had such luck with the ladiez, maybe i can if i grow a beard too!”

and so the adventure of a lifetime begin…

beard_week2.5

 

foodblog suspended

This is a automated message from Fujitax, makers of the finest camera’s in the world.

This blog has been suspended due to infringement of our patent #329856-5323-23 which states that only pictares of food taken with Fujitax cameras are legal. Any pictares of food taken on other manufacturers cameras are, since the 5th April 2007, illegal and must be destroyed by a violent chegwin.

Fujitax urges anyone even thinking about taking pictares of food to buy their latest camera, the F-00D S33-1T, which has multiple food modes enabling the best possible pictares of food and the only legal method of capturing your dietary eye feasts.

We currently have a patent pending for taking pictares of drinks and have already secured agreements for exclusive rights to slush puppies and gin.

This blog will be unblogged when we have ample evidence that the editor has no will to blog food or buys a Fujitax camera and removes all pictares of food taken with other cameras.

Thank you and good food photos to you all.