Category Archives: Uncategorized

what’s the biggest you’ve measured?

i’ve measured a 7 once. i’ll never forget that day, it was a tuesday. but i can’t remember anything else, except it was definitely a 7. my dad once measured a 9 once, but he was in the navy.

i have heard if you measure anything 10 and above, you must report it to andy peters. i would follow this advice if it were not for the fact that:

a) i have never measured a 10 or above

and

2) andy peters is a cunt.
Current Mood: rude
Current Music: cardi-mc-gans

that susan tully is a lovely lass

last night i took her to the pictures to see a french film about roy disneys’ after-eight abuse and his ensuing downfall. little did i know that during the film she was watching a five second loop of eddie murphy in trading places on her vpod.

after the film, as we walked past the cut-out of marty feldman advertising the upcoming spike lee movie, i asked her what she thought of the film. she grimaced, spat in my face and ran off singing a some nursery school tune i was not familiar with.

a few days later i was in the hospital with some kind of infection she had given me. and that’s were i met my wife!

many thanks susan.
Current Mood: radio shitz
Current Music: shit radio

why haven’t the austrolasians taken over yet…

with their skills in fighting wild animals you would have thought they would have conquered the planet by now. i’d choose libby kennedy as my queen any day, or that fat man that dresses like a cross between mary whitehouse(‘slut’) and the queen of england(‘bitch’) that shouts a lot.
Current Mood: havana and coke
Current Music: bittersweet sippy tea

that tim allen is a card…

last night he stole my girlfriend and pissed in my pool. if it was anyone else i would be offended, but you know with allen he means no harm. i just wish he’d return my ‘fighting dogs of algeria’ dvd i lent him last year.
Current Mood: techromental
Current Music: the alleyways – soppy shit

first new joke this century!

this is the first new joke of this century. to qualify it had to include things that only exist in this century and have a structure and punchline that did not exist in any other century. well enough preamble, ladiez and genitalmen here is the new joke!

#1: knock! knock!

#2: who is there?

#1: stalin!

#2: come on in stalin! WHOA STALIN! you have a big hat!

#1: thank you!

#2: hang on a minute…

…

…

…

you’re not really stalin are you.

#2: no, i’m pee-wee-hermann! HAHAHA!

#1: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!1111

YOU SO FUNNY PEE-WEE!!!1111

i think everyone will agree that is a great joke and we are lucky to be living in these times of modern.

all old jokes seems so old and distant now.

www.commando-destruction.com

alt.digitiser.snakes
Current Mood: nervy
Current Music: sound of silence

GINGER TRAMPS

i donut think i have ever seen a ginger tramp. sure i’ve probably seen a tramp with a ginger beard, but never a fully haired ginger. this gives me hope, as an occasional ginger, that i will not be a tramp, not for a while at least.

Although a search on “ginger tramp” brings up quite a few sightings so i shouldn’t get complacent.
Current Mood: panic
Current Music: news24