shes a lovely girl, but her feet smell of muck

last night i had dinner with lenny henry and lenny bennet, we were having a riotous time reminiscing over the good old days when you could get on television even if you weren’t funny. thankfully it seems like those days are returning so i won’t have to feed the scroungers for much longer.

halfway through our desert of angel delight and m&m’s the doorbell went, i say doorbell, it was actually lenny’s comedy ring tone. how we laughed. after i had punched lenny my actual doorbell rang. i should have known the first wasn’t my doorbell as mine plays the theme to 15-to-1 and crosswits alternately.

as i went to the door i could see who it was immediately as i have a frosted effect glass window on it. the glass disfigured the individual but i knew who it was, it was pam dauber, from TV’s mork and mindy.

she had just moved into the street but a couple of days ago and i had invited her, and her husband Dr Fox, over any time they were not busy.

she had come alone and i can’t say i was disappointed as i had spotted dr fox scowling at children in the street the day before telling them to ‘skidaddle’ and get their ‘dirty foreskins’ off his driveway. short man syndrome if ever i saw it.

i ushered her in and much to my surprise she squatted in my hall to remove her shoes. apparently, when filming her TV series, robin williams insisted that no shoes were worn on set, because he had once been spooked by a ghost wearing nike airs.

it was fine by me, i secretly looked forward to catching a glance of her unfettered feet so did not think to stop her.

as soon as she had removed one of her ballamory branded clogs the funk was out the bag and the mood in the house changed. i introduced her to the lennys out of politeness and they unwillingly shook her hand. but i could see both of them thinking of excuses to leave, the smell was unbearable, like a coiffured paul ross.

in the end we got rid of her by lezzing up with each other, and throwing peanuts at her. but the funk had stuck so the lennys left leaving me in the thick of it. i set fire to the place the next day and moved to carnaby street where she couldn’t find me.

there’s a lesson for all of you there.