women wear lots of makeup because they need it, if they didn’t we’d all be gay men.
here’s some illustration:
look how beatiful she is and how it effects lion-al blairs.
now see what happens when we take off the makeup and reveal the true womang beneath:
ARRRRG MINE EYES! SHE HAS THE SKIN OF HAM!!!!111
so to conclude. lack of makeup displeases lion-o blairs. don’t do it.
Instead of tonights world cup match we’re going to show a stone statue of gary linekers made by art attacks niel buchanan:
GET YOU PRETENTIOUS ARTY BULLSHIT AWAY FROM THE FOOTBALL YOU COKE RIDDLED TAX WASTING POMPOUS SKANK BARRELS!!!!11111111111
i’d like to introduce you to my friend, he sometimes goes by the name of leonardo de vinci, especialy when he is courting. here’s a pictare of him in wonderful durham:
look at his face! it’s almost if he can understand! but he can’t.
the people of durham think they are too cool for school. so i am taking apon myself the task of educating this poor man whether he lieks it or not.
so for the first lesson on this series (you can all learn even if you’re not a wastrel from durham) i am going to introduce lenard to our first figure of popular culture who is down with the kids.
may i introduce MARGERET THATCHER!
margeret thatcher (or ‘margery’ as he is affectionately known) is a popular man in todays society. he is responsible for a number of things the yoots know and loev and commands respect among them.
here’s a few facts:
-became president of england in 1977 after johnny rotten put down the queen in public.
-invented money, before thatcher we used to barter with sheep and grouse.
-invaded the balkland islands single handedly and took them away from maradonna after he cheated in a soccer eights final.
-invented bling.
-took cross dressing to a whole new level.
-swam the channel.
-put together the boyband ‘stock aching waterboy’.
-supported dire straights making them the first bands to sell a million laserdisks.
-strangled a pheasant.
-promoted the phrases ‘totally thatcher’ (which translates a ‘totally wicked’) and ‘thatchers britain’ (which means ‘we’re in disneyland daddy! but why are you wearing that mouse suit?’)
next up: patrick moores:
LOOK FORWARD TO IT!
this is peter crouch:
STILL FUNNII.
STILL FUNNWII.
STILL FUNNY.
MY DESKTOP LOVER:
She’s french and i’ve named her ‘arrabelle’, although all her friends in the office call her ‘movine’. she doesn’t have any friends outside the office because she lives for love. she has a small room above a furniture shop in the middle of paris.
shes a nice girl always ready to give you a smile, but she has a dark dirty side as you can tell from her eyes. she can be so naughty and always leaves the seat down.
last week i tried to take her out, but the monitor would not fit through the door and i couldn’t carry my computer at the same time. soon i’ll get a laptop and we’ll take walks in the park until she gets mugged from me by chavs.
i’m thinking of breaking up with her though, she’s too quiet most of the time, often hiding behind websites and emails and doing god knows what. i haven’t slept with her yet, ‘cos of the blinding headaches, but as time goes by that seems less and less important.
MODERN LIFE IS DIFFICULT.
Current Mood: tetraphonic tictactoe
Current Music: heals the heart
Current Mood: granite
Current Music: puter